Evan Presents the Best Worst Cubs Recap Ever – 5/9 (GIFs)

Tonight’s Cubs/Brewers matchup was pregnant with anticipation, whether it was for the Cubs to string consecutive wins together or for Kris Bryant to join the home run club from which he had thus far been denied admittance. Unfortunately, the result was a bit of an abomination, like the baby from V.

Don’t get me wrong, Kris Bryant’s first career home run was magnificent and very worthy of the unicorn’s regal bearing. I had been working on a forthcoming post about Mets phenom Noah Syndergaard and walked in just in time to see Bryant launch the moonshot, the significance of which was evident even to my wife.

At that point I was feeling like…

Pretty hot, right? Well, that was pretty much the end of the good feelings, as the Cubs’ pitching basically imploded from that point. Actually, “imploded” is far too kind a word. They absolutely shat the bed in a big way. Travis Wouldn’t wasn’t about to allow his team’s lead to stand up, so he promptly gave up a 3-spot in the bottom of the 3rd to erase the runs KB had driven in.

I know, Rafi, I was amazed too. But not quite as amazed as when Edwin Jackson and Phil Coke combined to allow 5 earned runs in the 5th inning. Yes, the starter and the long man combined to record 12 outs; well, Wood got 12 outs and Jackson got none. Then Coke stumbled drunkenly through the remainder of the 5th before giving way to Jason Motte.

Jason Motte is a really good dude. I mean, he’s a solid citizen and rocks a really sweet beard and whatnot, but I just can’t embrace him as a good reliever anymore. But in giving up only 1 run, he became the most successful Cubs pitcher of the first 6 innings. This bullpen is hot garbage and it makes me violently angry.

That pretty much says it. Ah, but tomorrow is a new day, Mother’s Day. I’m sure my own mother will be super-duper proud of me if and when she reads this, but it’s a mother’s job to love her child even when they screw up. And even when her children pitch for the Cubs; it’s a thankless job, indeed.

But it’s just one game, right? As such, there’s no reason to go to bed angry or frustrated. With that in mind, allow to share with you a video that is sure to put a smile on your face. After all, life’s too short to be pissed off.