Flaming Dog Poo and the Human Response: My Takes from Tuesday’s Cubs Loss

I could just save us all some time here and make this post nothing more than a short emoji sequence: poop, fire, poop, fire. It wouldn’t be disingenuous either, but rather a minimalist expression of my thoughts on the game.

Then again, I feel like writing a little bit and I don’t know how to do emojis. Don’t worry though, I’m tired, angry and a little confused, so this will be a short one.

Passive/Aggressive

My one criticism of Kris Bryant thus far would be that he’s actually been too patient at times. Despite the fact that he doesn’t see too many strikes, pitchers had been grooving their first pitches to him and he had just been watching them go by.

Whether that was the book on Bryant or whether guys just decided to challenge him, it was a little frustrating to see him take pitches that were clear strikes. It happened a couple more times Tuesday night until Bryant smacked Kevin Siegrist’s first offering on a line into left…and right at Matt Holliday, who actually used his glove to catch it.

Of course, that was before he took another called strike from Trevor Rosenthal to open the 9th inning. It’s all still a work in progress, but if this is a trend that’s going to continue — and I think it is — Bryant will need to be more aggressive from the jump and come out swinging. I’d not advocating recklessness, mind you, just a shift in strategy.

Big fish in a Junior Lake

While he’s not on Bryant’s level, the recently re-promoted Junior Lake has really been putting together some nice at-bats. His work in the offseason is evident, as the improvement from last year to now is marked. If he can keep this up he may get a chance to spend a little more time at Wrigley again this year.

Again with the selfie sticks?

I’m beginning to feel like Brody from Mallrats lamenting the presence of a kid on the escalator. I’m not only surprised by the increasing popularity of these things, but by the fact that they’re allowed at the ballpark at all.

Stop with the curtain calls

The phone-on-a-stick is just confusing to me, but the unnecessary curtain call business really riles me up. Listen, I get that you’re excited about tying the game in the 5th inning on a 3-run homer, but unless it’s a career milestone for the dude there is no reason for him to come out of the dugout to tip his cap. And that was Matt Carpenter’s 29th career shot. Boo.

Revenge of the Sixth

The 4th may be strong with the Cubs, but they’re no match for the 6th, Lord. They gave up 2 more runs there tonight, bring their total to 20 on the season, their worst in any inning.

BABIP is a fickle mistress

Hit a ball on the screws, it zips straight into Holliday’s glove. Then you have a dribbler scoot through what is literally the only place on the diamond it could be placed for a hit.

Cinco de Mayo is some silliness

Nothing says class and cultural awareness like a bunch of doughy, Midwestern white folks wearing cheap sombreros and chugging back a couple [insert name of popular Mexican microbrew here]. Not that any of that was going on in The Lou, mind you.

Oh, hey, here it is…