Things that Go Thump in the Night: Kyle Schwarber Rewards Post-Rain Delay Viewers with Another Blast

There I was, watching some out-of-focus TV on my phone with the volume way down so my wife wouldn’t know what I was doing, and…hey, get your minds out of the gutter. I had the MLB app open to check on the Cubs and the live look-in alert came up for Kyle Schwarber’s at-bat in the 5th.

Having just thrown Jose Iglesias out at the plate in the first half of the inning, the Cubs rookie came to bat in the bottom with Addison Russel on 3rd (the result of his first career triple) and Dexter Fowler on 1st (the result of his 28 walk in 29 games). Schwarber took a couple Buck Farmer fastballs inside and missed a changeup in between to bring the count to 2-1.

As a quick aside, how great a name is Buck Farmer? I mean, this dude could star in the type of program you thought I was describing at first without even having to change his name. I mean, that’s even more blatant than Dirk Diggler or Chest Rockwell. But I digress.

After a couple pickoff attempts, Farmer fired another fastball and then said something that sounded an awful lot like his first name. Of course, no one could hear it over the report from Schwarber’s bat. Even watching on an iPhone with the volume way down, I could tell it was a loud hit. That’s what happens when you turn a 95 mph pitch into a 108 mph home run though. I continue to marvel at the explosion of violence this kid generates out of that calm plate presence.

Watching this is like seeing a lightning strike in reverse; you hear the thunder and then you see the bolt of electricity arc through the sky. Man, I could watch that swing over and over and over and over again, and then I could watch it a few more times. He’s just sitting dead red and absolutely obliterates the baseball.

Not sure I’ll be able to finish watching, but Schwarber’s got me staying up a lot later than I’d planned.