SOC Watch: Game 4 of the Cubs/Cards NLDS

It’s really weird to be watching a game at 4:30 on a Tuesday afternoon, but this is sort of like a Friday for me anyway, so it’s cool. I have to admit that I’m not very confident in Jason Hammel coming into this game, but I also think the Cubs can get to John Lackey. I just don’t want to take this series back to St. Louis.

I don’t like the graphic TBS uses behind the outfielders, as the stylized wall doesn’t look at all like Wrigley. That’s a pretty petty gripe, but I still think it’s valid. Not happy with Hammel giving up solid contact and there’s a home run from Piscotty right after Carpenter hit a solid single to lead off. Gonna need the offense for this one.

My kids are fighting with each other while cleaning their rooms and I’m totally exhausted and about to fall asleep while watching Lackey put the Cubs to bed in the 1st. Ugh.

And now I see that John Lackey and Stephen Piscotty are trending on Twitter and I hate life and now Piscotty hits a broken-bat bloop single and I’m thinking of firing something into the sun. That New Balance commercial with the girl getting caught in a storm of athletes is super weird. Who asks Google “How old is too old to trick or treat?” Maybe I shouldn’t have complained about those Viagra commercials.

How many more times would Rizzo have been hit by pitches if he didn’t swing at some of those inside balls? Shift happens, that’s pretty cool. Man I love it when Schwarber squares one up. 109 mph off the bat is squaring one up. Two on, one out, what can MiggyMont do here? And…he takes a big cut and whiffs completely. If I’ve got a gripe with Miggy, it’s that he has a tendency to over-swing.

Pretty sure Lackey is going to murder a batboy when he heads back JAVY BOMB!!! JAVY BOMB!! And now Lackey can get on with his homicidal tendencies. Okay, he’s not actually going to kill anyone…for now. But I would not want to be Ronnie Woo Woo later if he runs into the Cards pitcher later. CPD would do well to shoo the vagrants from around the Cards’ hotel.

So I’m now basically feeling the exact opposite as I was about 10 minutes ago, which is a nice thing. Now if Hammel can continue to settle in and deal with things. Still sitting here thinking about the fact that Javier Baez is a bench player on this team. The cherubic Jhonny Peralta swings and misses and Miggy snap-throws to pick Heyward off! BOOM!

Oh hey, the Viagra commercials are back. Whew, now I feel more comfortable with my viewing. I mean, nothing says baseball like a women in a football jersey flashing bedroom eyes at the camera while applying perfume to her pressure points and tossing a football around. And now the home plate ump wants to check the baseball and the crowd is in full throat as Lackey starts over-throwing.

Bryant seems a bit crossed up out there, but I have a feeling he’s going to…ground…into…a…double…play. Poo. And Rizzo puts a super-gross swing on a cutter in the dirt and that kind of sucked.

Alright, here comes Grimmer. I know some of you don’t like that name, but I do and I’m writing this and you’re not so nanny-nanny-boo-boo. But I’m a little scared because he’s gotta face the guy some Deadbirds fans think is better than OH, KRIS, NO! Kolten Wong is a big hitter right here, need to get that sweeper going and clean this inning up. Oh, nice, that was a biting curve.

Ump’s got a tight zone until he starts calling really high strikes, which is fine with me but which isn’t making Tommy Pham very happy. I know because he said something about having intercourse with himself, only with a dirty word. And then the Grimm Reaper helps him out with the request to get the Cubs out of the inning.

Peralta looks as though he’s running in sand but he gets the job done, which is both aggravating and admirable. And I’m pretty sure the commercial lineup is identical to last night’s game. Travis Wood in the game to do good things, or at least not not good things and here’s Matt Carpenter swinging like he’s gripping a 3-wood. Haha, that was both a golf reference and a pun involving the pitcher’s name and now the Arkansan lefty picks up a K.

And Wood looking good against the suddenly-dangerous Piscotty, who I still can’t believe is playing. That collision he had in the outfield at the end of the regular season was frightening, yet he was back with the team right away. And Wood with a disappearing changeup that Piscotty can only wave at helplessly. And Holliday flies out; hope the Cardinals need that extra L later.

And Baez comes up showing bunt? Here’s the thing: this kid is such a good athlete and has exceptional speed, so bunting for a hit doesn’t bother me. What does bother me is hitting everything on the ground, particularly at Peralta. Oh well, the Dodge commercials bother me too. Not nearly as much as the NBA on TNT ad with the Cavs and Mike Epps — an Indianapolis native and purported Pacers fan — riding a camel through the desert.

And now Wood allows a little duck snort to Heyward and that’s just straight bogus. Oh well, here comes Cahill, who has been pretty money of late. And now he faces Peralta in a battle of cherubs. I am not happy has Jhonny smacks one back up the middle to put two men on with no outs. Grichuk up, just keep the ball down. Keep it down. Keep it down. NICE! K.

And now Wong is in an 0-2 count misses badly on a curve that Cahill plants in the dirt. Wow, that was awesome. And now Tony Cruz is up and Dennis Eckersley is talking about how he’s the guy who could become a postseason hero and then he freaking hits an opposite-field double to drive in a run and now the TBS guys are hyping up the narrative even more. Great. And now another hit and HE’S OUT AT THE PLATE! Tie game but could have been worse.

And now they’re going on about how they thought Cruz was safe at the plate and it’s clear he was out so they have to backtrack a little but it’s still sort of obvious that the narrative is being carefully crafted. Or maybe that just be being buyest [sic].

Whew, Waino’s gone. Soler fired the throw to nail Cruz at the plate and now he’s up with a 3-1 count and he looks to grab the lead with a swing and now it’s full. Siegrist is taking his sweet time out there and a broken back to 2nd and poop. KB!!! Wait, not so much. Man, I really thought that was gone off the bat.

And now Rizzo’s in a two-strike count and Cruz is WAY outside AND RIZZO HAMMERS ONE INTO THE BLEACHERS IN RIGHT AND I AM YELLING AND THE KIDS ARE YELLING AND MY THROAT HURTS. That’s the second night in a row that Rizzo faced Siegrist in a two-strike count, choked up, and vaporized a mistake.

Rodney with a K, now a walk, now it’s time for a double play ball. Holliday with a defensive swing, looks pretty ugly up there. Just don’t groove this and…boy, that looked closer than the TBS graphic showed it. Whew, that’s an out. 2 down, let’s get it. I am finally starting to get a little nervous, which is the first time I’ve felt that way through 5 postseason games thus far.

Clayton Richard with two quick strikes as he drops down sidearm and sweeps that ball across for pitcher’s pitches. J-Hey is a supervillain. And now he’s been deposed, as Richard gets the third strike.

And now Schwarber is up and WAR BEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh my. I mean…I just…holy cow. That ball went over the scoreboard. I believe the Gameday app is correct in saying the ball was traveling 113 mph, but there’s no way it only went 419 feet. No way. I refuse to believe that.

And now Javy is ripping a single and the crowd is live and there’s a pretty good feel about this game and I’m really hungry but my wife said she’s calling her class early and bringing me food.

Strop doing his dead relatives proud with a K of Peralta! I’m operating on two windows while trying to post something about Schwarber’s HR too, so I’m even more scattered than usual. AND KB TO THE GAP FOR A TRIPLE! Let’s get this run across on Rosenthal and really bring them to their knees. Rizzo’s out and Castro gets a free pass and Austin Jackson is up there with a chance and I feel pretty good but now I’m REALLY hungry and I’m all about those Arby’s sanniches they’ve been advertising.

I appreciate the effort on that bunt but not great execution. Miggy walks, King in the Norf is up to try to do things. Nope.

I’m losing interest in typing now, too excited. 2 outs in the 9th and the Cubs are on the brink of beating the Cardinals to advance to the NLCS. But Carpenter gets a hit and not Piscotty is up and I’m not nervous but I’m not exactly feeling awesome either.

AND THE CUBS WIN ON A STRIKEOUT AND I YELLED AND MY SON YELLED AND I PICKED HIM UP AND HUGGED HIM AND WOW, WOW, WOW!!!!!!

The W flag is going to be flying in Hawaii over the next 10 days.