Monday Fungos: You Can’t Make This Shift Up

Quite a week for pitchers with Chicago ties. Two weeks ago, Jake Arrieta ripped his Phillies teammates and coaches for the “worst shifts in the league.” But with a 7.98 ERA in his three starts since, Arrieta has been busy shifting innings to the bullpen. So a helpful reminder: He who rants loudest had best rant last.

Then Friday, a strained lat shelved minor league Cubs tongue-twister Adbert Alzolay. For those unfamiliar, the lat is a very broad back muscle used mostly for pulling yourself up during pub brawls. So naturally, news of the injury disappointed anyone who spent time learning how to spell “Adbert Alzolay” or had him in their Iowa Cubs bar-fight pool.

In other Fungos news:

1. My dog took particular interest in the Brewers series. While scooting across the floor, he saw Benny the Brewer on TV do his slide thing and said, “I knew there was a better way.”
2. Don’t you hate it when Lorenzo Cain makes the entire Cubs infield look like the Brewers infield?
3. When Anthony Bass relieved Luke Farrell last Tuesday, it represented the Cubs’ inaugural deployment of the terrifying Farrell-Bass combination. In response, many northland fishermen are again packing dynamite.
4. Have fun with it, Milwaukee: “Now pitching for the Brewers, ‘Ya Hader!’ ”
5. Registration recently opened for Kyle Schwarber’s pricey baseball camp. It’s $200 for three hours, but this could contract to 2½ hours if no plays need reviewing by New York.

   

6. Come on Cardinals! Who dropped the deuce behind second base? You really need to clean the place up when expecting visitors.
7. I love those who second-guess Joe Maddon with absolute certainty. Don’t they know… A.) “guessing” is right there in the word “second-guessing,” and B.) coming in second in anything kinda guarantees getting second-guessed yourself?
8. With two unintentional walks Friday, Javier Baez’s OBP leaped an amazing 125 points to .294.
   
9. I bet the slick local podiatrist who named his practice “St. Louis Arch” wins their foot-and-ankle marketing award every year. 
   
10. So in whose front-office cubicle did Kyle Hendricks shart to get left off the 2018 Media Guide cover? I mean, I think even Mike Freeman is in there somewhere.