Monday Fungos, Week 4: C-Flap Helmets Required

What a difference a 5-1 week makes. For Kris Bryant, though, everything vaguely still looked like the Rocky Mountains. So he might not have noticed the Indians didn’t enjoy that World Series reunion as much the Cubs. Who knew a vanquished team named after Native Americans could be such downers?

Once the Cubs returned to Chicago, the Brewers reminded all how close they are to stealing away an NL Central crown. Real close. Like four-decent-infield-defenders close. So bolt a flap onto your helmet because some more blazing funny is hunting for your head.

  1. Crane Kenney, Cubs President of Business Operations, unveiled plans for the final expansion of Wrigley Field seating. Next year, the centerfield batter’s eye will camouflage the visiting team and the Cubs dugout moves under the Bartman seats.
  2. In Cleveland, TV cameras caught Joe Maddon and Pedro Strop buckled over sharing World Series stories. Strop began one snorting, “And that time you totally over-pitched Chapman because you didn’t trust the rest of us relievers with a five-run lead. Chapman was so pissed.”
    Even the begrudging Russian judge scored Almora’s floor routine high.
  3. Albert Almora’s outfield gymnastics remind one of a young Kevin Kiermaier. Either that or an older, creepier Simone Biles.
  4. Has anyone introduced Yu Darvish and TV reporter Linda Yu yet? Even though Linda is 71, what I wouldn’t give to see a mess of little Yu Yus running around.
  5. I really want to like Victor Caratini, but can’t get past his having the most evil-sounding Soap Opera name ever.
  6. Watching that overhyped Cubs-Brewers Twitter “war” was as disappointing as sports mascots fighting under “no face” rules.
  7. Since joining Cubs Insider, I can’t get away from all the Statcast talk. Even at the fertility clinic, my doctor obsesses over launch angles and exit velocity.
  8. Manny Machado trade talk is heating up again. One catch: any acquiring team must permanently shift their third baseman to the right side so Manny’s glove work at short can really pop.
  9. On Saturday, the Brewers “Forever Young” manager, Craig Counsell, flipped out on Wrigley Field security. For the 30th game in a row, they told him kids can only get on the field to run the bases after Sunday games.
  10. June amateur draft speculation has started. But without a high first-round pick, Cubs SVP Jason McLeod admits picking from prom photos and fraternity Instagram accounts can work just as well.
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