Cubs’ Dark Comedic Timing Remains Spectacularly Good

Despite success from a few individuals or groups, namely starting pitchers, the Cubs haven’t managed to find prolonged competence as a group since early in the season. They’ve been called overpaid, boring, and disappointing, but there is one area in which they’ve repeatedly excelled. This group has an uncanny knack for dark comedic timing that allows them to immediately stifle all manner of optimism they’ve managed to build.

Like any good comedian, it took them a while to hone that skill down to a sharp enough edge that they’d be able to whittle away even the smallest bits of faith like a dermatologist excising an irregular mole. These days, we’re used to them delivering punchlines on at least a weekly basis, but it wasn’t really until mid-May or so that they discovered their true calling.

After going 7-7 to start the month, winning series against the Brewers and at the Pirates in the process, the Cubs dropped two games to open another tilt with the Buccos. As you probably recall, the second of those losses featured the Wrigley Field debut of one Paul Skenes. It was easy to forgive the mustachioed swashbuckler for carving up the home team because, hey, dude could well be the next coming of Jacob deGrom. If Skenes can actually stay healthy, he might be even better.

Anywho, the Cubs authored a walk-off win in game three thanks to a single from the recently departed Christopher Morel. It was their second such win after having lost in the final at-bat four times in their first 32 games and you could almost feel the seeds of sadistic glee germinated in the kind of loamy psychological soil head groundskeeper Dan Kiermaier would kill to have underfoot. The Cubs’ first walk-off loss against the Padres earlier in the month was followed by a shutout loss, so of course they had to up the ante against the Pirates.

A 3-2 loss in the finale of their four-game not only ensured maximum heartbreak for fans, it helped to strengthen the narrative that this team is dogshit in one-run games. Now starting to relish the reaction to their dark comedy, the Cubs really turned things up in Atlanta. Thing is, they weren’t aiming for mirth. Laughs are cheap, man. They were going for gasps.

So after another walk-off win in 10 innings to open their series against a Braves team that had the best record in baseball at the time, the Cubs were mollywopped 9-2 before being shut out 3-0 to lose the series. Though they’d been in either first or second place in the NL Central the entire month to that point and remained so heading into the final week, things were about to change. By losing five in a row and eight of nine to close May, the Cubs dropped to third and were 6.5 games behind the Brewers as June opened.

Consecutive wins against the White Sox marked the first time in exactly a month that they’d won two in a row, but you knew they were just setting up a doozy with another walk-off win to close that short series. What better way to follow up those Ws than with three straight losses in the Queen City? After narrowly avoiding a sweep in that set, they dropped two of three in Tampa and did the same against the Cardinals at home. By now, however, laughs and gasps alike had turned into wary raspberries at best as fans started to tune them out.

Desperate to revive their act, the Cubs sprang back to competence in early July with a win to close their series against the Phillies. A series win at home against the Angels followed, then the Cubs went into Baltimore and dog-walked the team that had the best record in the league at the time. By outscoring the O’s 21-2 in Camden Yards and getting to within four games of .500 just a few days before the break, Jed Hoyer’s group started to fill the room again.

A split with the Cardinals in St. Louis followed, maintaining just enough hope that this last-place team might have enough fight left to turn things around in the second half. Sure.

The Cubs came out of the break ice-cold, scoring just nine total runs and going 2-5 in their first seven games. That stretch somehow included consecutive wins, with another walk-off W that was actually followed by another victory — the only time that’s happened for them all year. I have to say, it was a masterful way to switch things up on the audience. Three straight losses followed the modest streak before the Cubs burst out for nine runs in a win over the Royals.

It’s never a good thing when you score as many in one game as you have in the previous seven, but at least it was entertaining in a traditional sense. A 7-3 win followed on an afternoon that saw Hoyer ship Morel to Tampa in exchange for Isaac Paredes, a move fans either loved or hated in nearly equal measure. Good publicity, bad publicity, just spell my name right. Which I failed to do for Paredes multiple times in favor of Parades, something the Cubs aren’t likely to experience in the near future.

While it’s hard to call Monday’s stinker the coup de grâce, I can’t imagine the Cubs finding a better way to let the air out of the balloon.

Jameson Taillon‘s been involved in so many swirling trade rumors that he actually appeared as an uncredited extra in Twisters, so it was odd that Craig Counsell listed him as the starter for the series opener in Cincinnati. Due to the day off last Thursday, Justin Steele could have taken that game on regular rest and Taillon could have gone Tuesday. With first pitch falling after the deadline, it would have allowed the team plenty of time to pivot if need be.

Instead, Taillon took the bump and did his best to avoid any of the outside noise generated by myriad questions from fans and media alike. And though he said he hasn’t been approached about a potential deal, which could come up due to his 10-team no-trade list, it’s hard to believe the situation wasn’t weighing on him. Taillon hung several pitches in 4.1 innings of work, giving up six earned runs with two homers doing most of the damage.

“I honestly haven’t really talked to anyone (in the front office),” he told reporters after the game. “I love all the guys here. I don’t feel like I have to shout it from the rooftops. Chicago is a great place to play. Wrigley is the best. The fans are the best. Hopefully, it works out.”

The game was effectively over in the 2nd inning with the Reds up 2-0 because the Cubs managed only three hits and walked twice with nine strikeouts. Seriously, it’s almost as if they collectively understand when people are getting even a little hyped about how well they can play and they do whatever they can to dash the excitement.

I sincerely hope someone truly believes I’m earnestly suggesting the Cubs are losing on purpose because that would make for a very interesting exchange. They’re nowhere near good enough to time their performances that well, but it remains wild to me that their repeated failures have worked out this way. Now we just have to hope some fresh faces arrive in Chicago down the stretch with new material so we can have a little fun in spite of the circumstances.