Nicholas Castellanos Challenges Media with Galaxy Brain Philosophical Musing

“Why is today not Opening Day?” a stoic Nicholas Castellanos challenged members of the media prior to Tuesday’s game with the Giants. “Prove to me that it’s not.”

Though it seemed like more of a rhetorical question, that didn’t stop one of the reporters from engaging the artist and philosopher by answering him literally. Of course it’s not really Opening Day, but if Castellanos wants to greet Joe Maddon each day as though it is, well, he can do as he damn well pleases.

The former Tiger had become something of a viral sensation earlier in the day when he’d choked up while addressing his new situation and the kind words his manager shared about him. Castellanos likened his trade to Chicago to breaking the surface and taking a deep breath after being underwater for a long time.

It was clear way before he blasted his seventh home run as a Cub — all of which have come on Opening Day — that Castellanos was feeling right at home with his new team. So it comes as no surprise that he was comfortable taking things to a new level when the same reporter said that it couldn’t be Opening Day because of the Cubs’ record.

“Well that’s only if you believe your record,” Castellanos said. “It’s kinda the mentality like, if what has happened is a memory and what’s going to happen is a thought, you’re taking yourself out of right now. So in that case, every day is Opening Day.”

Maybe when he talked earlier about coming up for air, he actually meant exhaling after a massive bong rip. I mean, that take was like something Socrates might have said if he’d consumed a couple bowls of OG Kush instead of hemlock. It would also explain why everyone keeps talking about Castellanos being so hungry.

There were some questions prior to the Cubs’ acquisition of Castellanos about how he’d fit with the team and whether his offense would be enough to offset his sub-par glove. Those have all been answered many times over, but what no one could have expected was just how quickly the outfielder would capture fans’ undying devotion.

Even on a Cubs team filled with big personalities and World Series heroes, Castellanos has stepped right to the forefront as a leader on the field and in the clubhouse. It’d be a shame to get only a couple months of this awesomeness, so maybe Theo Epstein can do something about that before long.

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